But then life just hands you something so beautifully ironic that you can't help but tell someone. And you, my dear reader, are my someone. xo and handholding and stuff...
Anyway, I'll proceed with the story at hand...
I've been loosely keeping in touch with Clarence the Rockstar via text. (If you need a refresher on the Clarence story, feel free to click here) We're also Facebook and Twitter friends- or twits- or whatever you call it. The other day someone posted a video of his band on one of these sites and the link led me to YouTube. I've seen just enough of the band online (without ever having seen them live) to know that they are really, really good- so I wanted to check out their performance.
You know how YouTube will display related videos to the right of the screen? Well, something caught my eye. It was the name of an old reality show I was mildly obsessed with several years ago along with the name 'Clarence the Rockstar' (you have no idea how much I wish it really did say 'Clarence the Rockstar', that would be so awesome!). It was one of those American Idol type shows but the difference was that this show was looking for a frontman for a rock band.
I immediately clicked on the video.
<insert 'Inner Dialogue" caption here>
"Holy shit! That's Clarence the Rockstar...on that show I used to obsessively watch! And I remember him now because he was really really good! And I also remember saying to my husband at the time - 'WOW! I would so love to fuck that guy!' to which my husband replied - 'WOW! Me too!'"
OK fine, that conversation never happened...but it would have been so fantastic if it had because then my sham of a marriage would have ended so much earlier, but I digress...
Tonight I received a text from Clarence saying he read my blog about the boardroom. I was both mildly mortified and rather impressed! (Who knew rockstars could read? Ok, JUST kidding...) He mentioned that I had left out a few details, to which I replied that some serious editing had to take place or it would have been a novel, not a blog. He responded, "I want to see the full length. It was a fun night! Chip heard most of it." (Chip being the guitar player)
Me: "I'd like to read Chip's version of it, he could likely fill in more of the blanks than I could."
Clarence: "I think we got it covered!"
I share this little conversation with you because as these texts were being sent, an e-mail from ex-husband popped up. Oh how I live for ironic timing...
He was emailing to inform me that his first paycheck from his new high-paying job had just arrived and he couldn't contain the tears in his eyes after seeing all of those numbers. He sent an entire page gushing about how rich he is. Now, you might be wondering...do I benefit in any way from this? Is there a legitimate reason he would send a note like that?
NOPE. I. Won't. Get. A. Dime.
His parting written words were, "Even with the God forsaken taxes taken out of it which were f*ing insane, I keep counting the numbers like a little kid getting his first $5 for shoveling snow off the neighbor's driveway! Anyway, hope all is well with you."
I need to be very honest with you. It is currently taking every fiber of my cool, calm, non-vindictive self not to fire back, "I fucked Clarence the Rockstar."
Instead I'm: Breathing in. Breathing out. Popping a Valium. And thanking God for my awesome and extraordinary new life...
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