A Chance, A disappointment, and a Lesson

"You will soon receive an unusual gift freely given.  Accept!"

I believe in signs.  Fucking sue me.  This fortune, opened a few weeks ago, was quite the precursor to a fascinating adventure I recently embarked on.

Two weeks ago I received a random text from a guy my acting coach has been trying to set me up with for some time, but it never worked out.  The guy was bored and thought he would say hello.  He was also drunk, and I'm pretty sure now he was high on something as well.  As you know, I can be a remarkable smart ass, and it was clear he could play along, so the texting conversation was funny.  Really funny.  And only because he was so unbelievably douchey in those first few texts.

In fact, for this blog...let's just call him 'LAD' (Las Angeles Douche)

For the sake of trying to keep this blog from turning into a novel, I'll spare you the details of all of the texts that first day...but he held nothing back and answered every question openly and honestly (and douchily, if there is such a word).  Then he declared he was going to send me a picture with the letter 'K' for my name.  He sat on a sofa, used toothpaste and a couple of toothbrushes across his chest, and surrounded himself with women for the photo op.  No photo has ever been sent in such poor taste...and with my sick sense of humor, no photo has ever made me laugh so hard.

Throughout the week he continued to text.  On day three he asked if he could fly me to LA for a weekend just to hang out.  No pressure, no promises, let's just take it one step at a time.  Perhaps it was my new 'anything goes attitude', or perhaps I had a feeling it would make for a good blog...either way, I easily agreed.  The flight was booked that night.  And for the next eleven days we spent a lot of time texting, emailing, and getting to know each other.

"Soon you will be sitting on top of the world"

I opened this fortune the day I left.  I sent a picture of it to LAD and he shot back a photo of the view from his house.  'On top of the world' was an understatement...I have never seen a view like that anywhere in LA.

My flight landed Friday at 5pm...a driver named Igor was waiting for me at baggage claim.  LAD texted me throughout the entire drive.  After 45 minutes, the car turned off of Sunset and onto his street.  Up and up and up we went...to the top, passing some of the most beautiful homes I have ever seen.  We parked, and I noticed a door standing open that led into a small courtyard.  There I was, luggage in hand, knocking on a large smoked-glass door.  Finally it opened and there stood LAD.

"Hi, I'm KJ," I said.  He smiled, hesitated a moment, than walked across the courtyard, grabbed me by the back of my head, and kissed me.  A long, deep, powerful kiss.  When he pulled away we looked each other up and down and started to giggle.  "I'll get your luggage, come inside..." he beckoned.  I walked through the front door and...

My jaw dropped.  The entire back wall of his huge house was made of glass over-looking downtown LA, Century City, Santa Monica...you could see it all.  Even more spectacular was that the giant glass panels were all pulled open so it felt like you were literally floating over the city lights, I could feel the wind in my hair.

A bottle of wine was uncorked and the weekend was on.  We couldn't stop making out, and before we even had a full conversation, we 'fully' christened the pool table in his living room overlooking the city lights.  The chemistry was intense.  Again, for the sake of brevity, I'll just give you the highlights of the weekend.  Dinner at Boa, a Vodka tasting in an ice bar, fantastic conversation, endless laughs, ...We hit it off, really and truly hit it off.  Day two was more of the same- great food, great talks, we even spent some time playing guitar and talking about work.  We watched the sunset over LA and curled up on a sofa outside as a light rain passed overhead.  LAD had thought of everything, he had stocked the pantry with my favorite foods and the bar with my favorite wines and liquors. We spent a lot of time discussing how excited we were that this was all happening, how it felt so real. It was the perfect first weekend together until...

At 8:30am on Sunday morning- I awoke.  Alone.  I walked downstairs and noticed lights on in his office, so I chose not to disturb him and went back to bed.  10am- I awoke again.  Alone.  The lights were still on in the office, so I walked inside.  LAD wasn't there.  He wasn't in any of the other gajillion rooms in the house either.  Then I checked the garage.  No car.

I texted, "You left?"  No response.  An hour later I texted again, "Are you coming back?"  A response: "Hey sorry, you were dead asleep so I went out partying with my friends."  Ahem.  "You've been gone all night?"  LAD: "Yeah.  Look, if you're up I'll come back." Another hour passed..."Are you still coming back?"  Thirty minutes more, LAD texted: "Yeah, sorry. I'm too fucked up to drive- I'm waiting on a cab."  "You're too fucked up to drive at 1 in the afternoon?"  LAD: "Yeah, sorry."

Another hour passed.  I called a cab to take me to the airport for my 5pm flight.  Finally, LAD came stumbling through the door.  A sly smirk across his face, he asked, "Do you hate me?"  "No, I'm just confused."  LAD: "Guess we'll never end up married, huh?"  "Uhm...no."  LAD: "This will make for a great story you know."  "Well, there's always that."

Just then my cab arrived, and I walked upstairs for my luggage.  He followed, apologizing.  "I'm really sorry, but you were asleep."  "It's not ok to fly someone 1500 miles and then ditch them for an entire night and day so you can get fucked up with your friends!" LAD: "I may be a drug addict." Me: "Clearly, that was the one question I should have asked before flying out here."

On the way to the airport he texted, "I didn't think I was going to be gone for more than an hour. I thought I'd be back before you woke up. But you're right, in hindsight I shouldn't have left.  I'm a work in progress.  I had more fun with you than I could have imagined. I sincerely apologize. I didn't mean to be gone so long. Let's just go step by step.  We went 3 steps forward, 1 step back."  My response: "3 steps back."

The following morning LAD texted to see how my flight home was.  I asked him how he was feeling.  No response.  And there hasn't been much contact since.  In the end, LAD blew me off, and then he really blew me off.  I won't lie, it hurts.

But as my favorite cousin so perfectly put it, "If someone is going to be with you, they should have to impress you, not apologize to you."

I think I'm going to listen to Favorite Cousin...and stop listening to fortune cookies.