I dated Andy when I was in my early 20's. He was the stunning door guy at the trendy local bar and if only I had known then the man Andy would become...well, I wouldn't have been so quick to kick him to the curb!
Fast forward about 15 years and Andy is still just as hot. And he's crazy successful. He works a sexy high powered job, traveling the world protecting important world leaders from would-be harm. HOT!
Andy came into town a month or so ago to visit old friends and I was one of the lucky gals to make his 'to do' list. His arrival managed to further infuriate the now-ex, as it turns out that seething jealousy doesn't mix so well with pure crazy. Andy was one of the reasons the relationship ultimately ended. Not because anything happened, but because I finally realized I was tired of being accused of touching my hair too often, pursing my lips too much, and making 'google' eyes at every man he perceived to be better looking than him. So, I dumped him. Right in the middle of Andy's visit. PERFECT timing (insert sexy lady cat roar here).
Andy felt oh so sorry for me following the break up that he invited me to his friend's house for a little pool party and a few cocktails. And well, in my delicate state I simply had no strength to say no! OK fine, the guy was hot and seeing him even half naked sounded like a fucking fantastic idea!!
As the party wound down Andy and I were 2 out of 4 of the last real men standing. Someone suggested we hop into the hot tub. Well, OK! So there I sat...a freshly single girl in a bubbling hot tub with 3 gorgeously intoxicated men and a sexy new push-up bikini that purposefully matches my baby blues. Oh. YES!
We proceeded to do what any group of great looking, tipsy, partially nude adults would do...we started discussing children.
Yup.
Kids.
Two of these men were married fathers and wanted to know why Andy hadn't taken the plunge just yet. Andy lamented a very sad tale of how his job had taken him all over the world and after two failed engagements, he was devastated that he hadn't settled down. His friends then spent the next 20 or so minutes admonishing Andy for not making time for such things. I mean, didn't he realize he was pushing 40? Didn't he know that the women he would be dating might be past the POINT of being able to HAVE kids? Wasn't he aware that a woman's uterus shriveled up at the age of 35 and that if, by miracle, she was to actually GET pregnant that the child would be screwed up for life?
OK, I'm exaggerating...they didn't actually say those last things, but that must have been what I heard in my head because the next thing I knew it was 3 gorgeous men in a hot tub, a bevy of cocktails, and me...
Doing the ugly cry.
Holy. Shit. I. Could. Not. Stop.
Have you ever wondered how fast 3 men can remove themselves from a hot tub? Really fucking fast.
So, that was it. The exact moment I knew I was (and am) seriously fucked up.
In case you're wondering, I have actually heard from Andy once since then. He called to recommend a book about how to deal with your grief when life doesn't turn out the way you want it to.
As of last night...I'm a third of the way through it.
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